Week Two: Two for the Show
Hey, guys. Welcome back to another video 🙏
Since I took care of the introduction in the last post, we're just going to go ahead and jump right into this one.
This week I decided to post a story that, once again, took place a few years ago, except, this time, I was at a hotel rather than the beach.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to thee...
"Two for the Show"
I never should have ridden that slide.
This hotel was actually the first stop my family and I had made on our road trip to New Jersey (we were in the process of moving). Since we'd already left the house for good and still wanted to spend more time in Arizona before leaving forever, we decided to stay in a hotel for a couple of days.
On our first day we took the liberty of looking around, simply trying to get a general feel for what the place had to offer, so we could make the most of it within the next two days. It was a nice hotel--sufficient outdoor seating, friendly atmosphere, a whirlpool--but what stuck out to me the most was the water slide. It was tall and looked dangerous, like something I shouldn't touch...
...so naturally, I made a vow, in the presence of witnesses, that I would ride the slide at least once before we left the hotel.
Honestly, if you don't occasionally inject yourself into terrible situations, what kind of life are you living?
The time came roughly 24 hours later.
(Also, I neglected to mention it was around that period that my mother was high-key getting tired of my tomboy phase that wasn't really a phase. Keep that in mind.)
Everyone had forgotten my personal quest rather quickly. Everyone except for my father.
We were all just hanging around the poolside when he randomly asks, "Aren't you supposed to be getting on that slide today?"
I quickly agreed with him, pretending I hadn't spent the past hour hoping no one would remember the absurd idea, and eventually excused myself to change into my bathing suit.
Since I'd never liked revealing clothing, I picked out a giant t-shirt and some shorts to wear, but then-
"What are those for?" -Mom.
"I'm gonna wear them over my bathing suit-"
"No, you can wear the cover-up that I bought you the other day."
. . .I didn't like that cover-up.
* * *
Back then, being "Mom" was enough to win an argument, so I ended up wearing the pink crochet fishnet of a cover-up (which technically wasn't even supposed to get wet) to the water park.
Once I'd returned, my father and I wasted no time heading over to the slide, since he apparently enjoys watching me suffer as much as I apparently enjoy the act of suffering. I handed him my cover-up (mind you, I would have been able to keep my t-shirt and shorts on if I'd had them) when we arrived and then proceeded to ascend the eight daunting flights of stairs to my doom.
Alone.
Cold.
Exposed.
Afraid.
(I just remembered that my brother didn't even go up with me and we ride everything together.)
Betrayed.
Being at the top of the slide was extraordinary at first. We were way above the trees, to the point where more than half of the slide (with a steepness that nearly reached a 90-degree angle) was completely obscured. I could see the entire park and hotel from where I was standing. However, that feeling of amazement dissipated when I looked down and saw my father, the size of a mustard seed, waving up at me enthusiastically. Not long after that, it was my turn to go down the water slide.
The employee went through the instructions, you know, to ensure that I would not die. Unfortunately, I was too busy worrying about whether or not I was going to die, so...
...I didn't catch much of what she said.
All of the sudden, she goes, "Okay, you're all set."
I wanted to laugh and run back down the stairs, but I knew that would destroy my fearless reputation, so I simply employed my "*forget* it" mentality (which is basically zero percent thinking and 100 percent doing). I sat down, sent the woman a corny salute, and pushed off.
See.
The issue here was that I'd decided to keep my eyes open. For the first few feet, I was in a dark tube, and once the tube ended, I saw the clear blue skies, vibrant palm trees, the extravagant hotel...and no slide.
I love 90-degree angles.
My brain didn't know how to deal with this information in a calm manner, so I immediately started flailing around wildly and screaming to the point where I lifted myself off of the slide.
I wish I was lying.
I was never able to compose myself, even after (fortunately) landing back on the slide, rather than on the concrete somewhere, so I kind of just kept flailing for the entire fall down, until I was brutally ravaged by water.
After the disorientation wore off, my first realization was that I was at the bottom of the slide. My second realization was that I was feeling a bit...strange...as if everything was out of place. So I looked down and saw my bathing suit top hanging around my neck like a necklace, while the bottom had been...pushed up.
I had a nice audience of about 20 people, by the way.
😐
Once I was reunited with my dad and "covered" in the flimsy piece of fishnet cloth, I called my mother to rant about the fact that, if she had simply let me wear what I wanted, I wouldn't have humiliated myself.
She laughed.
To this day, I wear t-shirts and shorts whenever I plan to go anywhere near large bodies of water, although I'll occasionally wear a tank topif I'm feeling Bold and Brash ™.
But yeah that was the story for Week Two. It was a bit longer than the first and quite possibly still on the mild side, but there is a METHOD to my MADNESS. I am saving the best stuff for last.
I foresee larger audiences to my misfortune...a celebrity...unresolved issues...and a not-so-great party experience.
Look forward to it, people. See you next week! 🙏
Since I took care of the introduction in the last post, we're just going to go ahead and jump right into this one.
This week I decided to post a story that, once again, took place a few years ago, except, this time, I was at a hotel rather than the beach.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to thee...
"Two for the Show"
I never should have ridden that slide.
This hotel was actually the first stop my family and I had made on our road trip to New Jersey (we were in the process of moving). Since we'd already left the house for good and still wanted to spend more time in Arizona before leaving forever, we decided to stay in a hotel for a couple of days.
On our first day we took the liberty of looking around, simply trying to get a general feel for what the place had to offer, so we could make the most of it within the next two days. It was a nice hotel--sufficient outdoor seating, friendly atmosphere, a whirlpool--but what stuck out to me the most was the water slide. It was tall and looked dangerous, like something I shouldn't touch...
...so naturally, I made a vow, in the presence of witnesses, that I would ride the slide at least once before we left the hotel.
Honestly, if you don't occasionally inject yourself into terrible situations, what kind of life are you living?
The time came roughly 24 hours later.
(Also, I neglected to mention it was around that period that my mother was high-key getting tired of my tomboy phase that wasn't really a phase. Keep that in mind.)
Everyone had forgotten my personal quest rather quickly. Everyone except for my father.
We were all just hanging around the poolside when he randomly asks, "Aren't you supposed to be getting on that slide today?"
I quickly agreed with him, pretending I hadn't spent the past hour hoping no one would remember the absurd idea, and eventually excused myself to change into my bathing suit.
Since I'd never liked revealing clothing, I picked out a giant t-shirt and some shorts to wear, but then-
"What are those for?" -Mom.
"I'm gonna wear them over my bathing suit-"
"No, you can wear the cover-up that I bought you the other day."
. . .I didn't like that cover-up.
* * *
Back then, being "Mom" was enough to win an argument, so I ended up wearing the pink crochet fishnet of a cover-up (which technically wasn't even supposed to get wet) to the water park.
Once I'd returned, my father and I wasted no time heading over to the slide, since he apparently enjoys watching me suffer as much as I apparently enjoy the act of suffering. I handed him my cover-up (mind you, I would have been able to keep my t-shirt and shorts on if I'd had them) when we arrived and then proceeded to ascend the eight daunting flights of stairs to my doom.
Alone.
Cold.
Exposed.
Afraid.
(I just remembered that my brother didn't even go up with me and we ride everything together.)
Betrayed.
Being at the top of the slide was extraordinary at first. We were way above the trees, to the point where more than half of the slide (with a steepness that nearly reached a 90-degree angle) was completely obscured. I could see the entire park and hotel from where I was standing. However, that feeling of amazement dissipated when I looked down and saw my father, the size of a mustard seed, waving up at me enthusiastically. Not long after that, it was my turn to go down the water slide.
The employee went through the instructions, you know, to ensure that I would not die. Unfortunately, I was too busy worrying about whether or not I was going to die, so...
...I didn't catch much of what she said.
All of the sudden, she goes, "Okay, you're all set."
I wanted to laugh and run back down the stairs, but I knew that would destroy my fearless reputation, so I simply employed my "*forget* it" mentality (which is basically zero percent thinking and 100 percent doing). I sat down, sent the woman a corny salute, and pushed off.
See.
The issue here was that I'd decided to keep my eyes open. For the first few feet, I was in a dark tube, and once the tube ended, I saw the clear blue skies, vibrant palm trees, the extravagant hotel...and no slide.
I love 90-degree angles.
My brain didn't know how to deal with this information in a calm manner, so I immediately started flailing around wildly and screaming to the point where I lifted myself off of the slide.
I wish I was lying.
I was never able to compose myself, even after (fortunately) landing back on the slide, rather than on the concrete somewhere, so I kind of just kept flailing for the entire fall down, until I was brutally ravaged by water.
After the disorientation wore off, my first realization was that I was at the bottom of the slide. My second realization was that I was feeling a bit...strange...as if everything was out of place. So I looked down and saw my bathing suit top hanging around my neck like a necklace, while the bottom had been...pushed up.
I had a nice audience of about 20 people, by the way.
😐
Once I was reunited with my dad and "covered" in the flimsy piece of fishnet cloth, I called my mother to rant about the fact that, if she had simply let me wear what I wanted, I wouldn't have humiliated myself.
She laughed.
To this day, I wear t-shirts and shorts whenever I plan to go anywhere near large bodies of water, although I'll occasionally wear a tank top
I foresee larger audiences to my misfortune...a celebrity...unresolved issues...and a not-so-great party experience.
Look forward to it, people. See you next week! 🙏
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